What If The Ninth Caller Is An Idiot?

Are Generation Ys Smarter Than Generation Xers?

If you're on the air, or have been ... if you're a PD or MD or have been ... this question is all-too-familiar territory for you. It's Thursday (while we're still operating with the Arbitron diary); you've got your air groove going. You stop the music, ask for caller number nine, hit record and attempt to capture a listener bit that can add some energy, excitement, spontaneity, flavor and even humor to the show.

But the geek who got through turns out to be an idiot or worse -- a"player hater." That's enough to strike fear into the heart of even the strongest veterans of the "air chair." The question then becomes why this great fear of two forces (contests and promotions) that have become standards of Urban music stations?

Well, for one thing, you never know what kind of fool will find your frequency and phone number and second, you also never know what kind of fool will put them on the air, live? How and why does this happen?

Many of the "New Jack" PDs were hired because even though they had no experience, they worked cheap and seemingly know how to "keep it real." They could "make the streets come out of the speakers." Yeah, right. The problem is they don't know the basics. They were never trained to do many things, such as executing effective contests and/or promotions. They were trained by consultants (many of them aliens from another format) who told them to just get the music right, because that's all they knew. Many of them wouldn't know how to construct a really effective cume contest as well.

In looking at contests in 2008, while the names may have stayed the same, the players, rules, playing fields and the prizes all have changed. Even if it's a new game out there, we're still keeping score the same old way - by the numbers - Arbitron numbers. We continue to define success by the old standards and we expect the traditional rewards. Could you imagine a professional sports team that hadn't changed its plays over the same period?

You could say those are the breaks. You could say that it's part of the collective impairments that happen in any business. They're evidence of vulnerability and part of the struggle for ratings success. But what about the risks? There's the risk that someone tuning in your station, passive listeners who just want to hear their favorite songs (we call them the music freaks) will have to put up with "contest clutter."

For them, not only is the ninth caller a jerk, they're a tune-out. And he or she will do just that - tune out, especially if they're cruisin' down the road in their 6-4. Their fickle fingers will simply find another frequency.

Every station is looking to enhance their shares by offering both their loyal and new listeners an opportunity to score some incredible prizes while listening to their favorite songs. Researchers and consultants have convinced owners, managers and programmers that strong promotions and clever contests can add new cume and extend Time Spent Listening (TSL). While there is definitely some benefit to a creative cume contest and a well-designed promotion can certainly improve your station's overall image, don't expect too much from them. It's not that big money contests, "Thousand-Dollar Thursdays" and win-it-before-you-can-buy it weekends" don't work. They do. It's just that there are certain rules you have to apply, certain facts you need to know and certain results in which you have to delay your expectations if you're going to be realistic.

I've been saying this for years: I first wrote about it back in the '90s. I rewrote it as part of an editorial I offered last year. Here's what's up with that and why you can get your clock cleaned trying to hustle your homies into listening to you more or longer simply by the expanding the size of the prize.

Let me take you back in the day. I remember programming an Urban station across the street from the old WDRQ in Detroit. They were attempting to cash in on the dance phenomenon that took WKTU in New York to the top of the ratings. Maybe they thought they could make that happen in Detroit. Suffice to say that at this point, they had a long way to go.

But the old WDRQ was once owned by Amaturo, which also owned and operated the very successful KMJQ in Houston. The WDRQ GM decided to give away $10,000 and put that 10-G inside the glove compartment of the Q's "Little Red Corvette." They went on television, did billboards, and tied in the contest thematically by playing that hit track for Prince under the promos. The book came out, the ratings went down and the station changed formats.

We've all seen situations where stations, like basketball teams that have been struggling, depleted by injuries and poorly coached, go the way of the old WDRQ. Others find a way to win. They replace the format and the players. "Mon dieu!" you exclaim. What's going on in the market often has a lot to do with an apparent victory for the wrong reason. Tot paraphrase Luke Skywalker, "If there's a bright center to the galaxy, they're on the planet it's farthest from." Loosely translated: Most of us watch and wait with gritted teeth, our stomachs knotted in fear of the loss or in hope of the win, when Arbitron delivers their report cards.

We watch to see how the game was called, hopeful of moments of greatness, or perhaps we are forced to settle for moments of grace. Professional sports teams should be watched because when they win, they give us some twisted pride of ownership. Contests and promotions don't make teams win. The talent of the players, good coaching and the avaricious dealings of owners and managers do.

Even with some of those sterile sounding Urban Adult stations whose consultants tell them "less talk - more music," there may be some hope. If you can see beyond the slurring sibilance of a few of those boring dee-jays who went to the broadcast school of tonal blandness, or were just recruited from the back of the station van, you begin to see the big picture.

Hence when the team scores, the endorphin rush of hard-won accomplishment isn't confined to the locker rooms or the studios, it's spread throughout. Or at least it should be.

We watch because the game is a story. And much like Faulkner novels, the way it's written is more important than the way it comes out.

Urban radio in 2008 still controls its own destiny. Now is the time to wake up and smell the future. With all the trading and mergers, station owners will continue to thin their managerial ranks. The once-rotund management belly has become lean and hard, as belts tighten in an effort to compete in today's tough market environment. The present is not engrossing and the future is not clear.

What is clear is that once you get the music and the jock presentation right, contests and promotions can bring zing to the station - give it balance, energy and flavor. When the zing and zest are gone from your life, not only are you not driven or "Zestfully clean," but you may also be "personally plateaued."

Life plateauing is a psychological state. If we submit passively to it, we can forget fun contribution and personal achievement. We can claim our position as resident bores and grumble our way to the grace. If we're lucky, the pain of remaining miserable will become greater than the fear or risk. We will then see this time in our lives as a kind of "emotional sabbatical" given to us to re-think our values and re-balance our lives. We need to re-define success and re-design the way we keep score.

Making the ninth contest caller an on-air event requires planning and preparation.

You have to look at the listeners who fall into the categories of Generation Yers and Generation Xers. Effective contesting to these diverse groups has a lot to do with creativity and ideas. Neither group wants the hype usually associated with contests. If they are not interested in being contestants, they at least have to get off vicariously on hearing other people play. That calls for some new contest ideas.

The reasons some ideas die quickly is because they can't stand solitary confinement. The only thing that's worse than the ninth caller being an idiot is being on the air and asking for the ninth caller ... and you only get four.

Word.