Dear Santa … From Music City

Hey Santa, I’ve never written you before. You might remember I sat on your lap at Loveman’s department store back in my hometown of Montgomery. I have waved at you when you appeared in various Christmas parades and on TV. But due to the virus, I am paralleling my hero, Dolly Parton, and writing you.

Dolly was so eloquent and, of course, not wanting anything herself but wanting for others.

Like Dolly said, please bring us hope and do what you can to help people laugh again during this crazy time. So many people in our Music City family have not been able to work since March. Tough times!

Santa, I have some more specific things if you can. It would be great if you’d consider them.

Please give all these hardworking Music Row songwriters some more things to write about. They seem to be stuck on songs about beer, whiskey, bars, booze and drinking. All of that’s always been there, but they’ve worn out those themes. You sent them the words river, pickup truck, daisy dukes and a few others in the past, but they tapped those out too. Love can’t be worn out. Kissing could return, but with virus concerns. Something, anything would be appreciated.

Oh yeah, don’t send “lists.” There are too many list songs too. I know you will come up with some less worn out.

Santa, I know you are going to have new phones and computers, faster and faster than Rudolph. But maybe send them some real acoustic drums, strings, brass, fiddles, amps, and old school marching band instrument stuff. This EDM, synthetic computer cheese sound is as thin as another beer song. More real singing too. Maybe some singing lessons? And Fender/Gibson Guitars with real amps with reverb twin speakers. A Fenderbassman amp. Something Vox. Nice microphones. Martina’s husband has a ton of them, so no need to get some for him. You know what to do. Too many gizmos and shortcuts. Need to teach people to sing, and for those who can’t, they need to be in PR or sales.

Santa, be good to those hardworking neighbors over at Vanderbilt. They created the Moderna vaccine, and are taking care of so many sick people. Give us less if you need to so they can have a good Christmas.

Santa, help these out of work radio people. The axe has been falling like never before as radio downsizes and becomes more like a Burger King franchise. These folks need new careers. Help them with retraining.

Santa, thanks for those years of cable TV. Now we are in App Land. It’s not a place you need to visit. It’s not a country. It’s those download, nine dollar a month pay apps. That’s where Carrie Underwood has her Christmas show. Do you watch it on Apple TV? HBO Max? I’m sure the elves can set it up. No big cable bills now, but they are nickel and diming us to death.

Santa, it’s been a weird year, with all these Zoom meetings and classrooms. Zoom is great, but it’s like the beer songs -- too much of a good thing. Santa, we need to see music outside and soon as the weather gets good again. Get those amphitheaters. Are you having trouble keeping up with Plexiglas and toilet paper orders? Just wondering.

Santa, wear your mask, get that vaccine over in the UK while there, and keep your hands washed.

Get Brad some more guitars, Darius a new putter. Lady A needs some legal advice. So does Kelly. Get Jon Pardi’s wife that Highland cow she wants.

2020 will be better when it’s over. I’m sure you have faced some challenges too: Plexiglas at the mall and no contact with the kids. It’s bad for us all.

Thanks, Santa, for all the good cheer you spread. You have more than normal work this year. Avoid fake news and those “the sky is falling” weather reports. And when you’re done on December 26th, have a Holly Dolly Christmas! Remember, there ain’t nothing that a beer can’t fix!